this new ocean

by elocine

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1.
it’s been two years and now you’re gone. left everything but stole my heart. when will you open up your eyes and see the world you left behind & everything you are. you came to me to say, “i’m packing up, i’m gone today.” it’s just the price to pay ’cause who will love you anyway? it’s been two weeks since you’ve been gone, left in the wake of your desire. forget about the things you took. just turn and give me one last look. i’m everything you want. search yourself for what you needed–a little bit of time to find yourself and what you needed was a little bit of time. you kicked me to the floor, said goodbye, and closed the door. but it’s ok, i’m sure that i don’t love you anymore.
2.
turn me around to look back and see the way you knew that all i could do was wait around here for another chance to say “all i want is nothing”. so stay and i will show you everything. burn to the ground all your memories and solitude. don’t do what you do, holding out here for a second chance to say “all i want is nothing”. so stay and i will give you everything. (just for today, don’t turn me away. we’ll make this into something good enough for both of us, even if it’s nothing. all in time, it’ll be just fine. we’ll turn this into something good enough for both of us, as long as it’s not nothing.)
3.
i’d fall to my knees and beg you to please answer my calls because i want to hear you speak. but don’t push me away, i’d do anything you say. and if you tell me to go, maybe then i will know that you don’t want me around and that’s the way it has to be. so i’ll forget that i fell in love and just pretend you were a dream.
4.
it’s so lonely without you. my heart is as empty as the halls that we used to run through. back in your room, you lock the door and close your eyes. but it’s of no use when the ghosts of love know you’re alive. open your eyes, light up that cigarette, only because you can. let yourself go, forget about everything, only because i know i want to be yours.
5.
taking back all you said won’t make a difference or matter anyway. you and i are making like we’re two diamonds falling from the sky. letting go of all you did as necessary, completely fairly done. watch it go like butterflies, so beautiful and hard to see it so. pulling all the weight in this, you look good inside.
6.
the truth 04:16
throw your mouth in spite of the time with one last kiss falling against mine. your secret sighs broken by whispers and all that lies underneath all the hurt. say you won’t back down, tell me “don’t let go.” just like every time you let me know it’s ok. say you’ll hold me tight, never let me go. just like every time you let me know it’s ok.
7.
it’s almost midnight by my watch and endless, sleepless nights have just begun. we’ve been up for hours now, and down to secrets, all that’s left to tell. selling yourself out to someone i would never be, drowning yourself in a world i will never see.
8.
wait 04:00
carry yourself if they seem real, dreams that throw you back for more. but it’s not worth crying for. bury yourself with what you feel, drowned in lies you can’t ignore. so say goodbye to all your tears before you want so much more, but you knew it’s not worth waiting for. so please let me be all you’re wishing for 'cause you give me more, and to me you’re all worth waiting for.
9.
the tv is on, waiting for you. kill the lights, open a window, and fall asleep. i’m tossing and turning the air. rolling on in your ecstasy, breathing in your hair so deeply. the kettle on the stove is whistling at you. but coffee is my thing with sugar and cream. how can i escape when all i know is you? how can i forget? when will i let go of this ghost i have loved for so long?
10.
time stands still with a look in your eyes. it breaks my will to hold you inseparable. tear apart all that holds you down, but break my heart and i’ll hold you accountable. you’re letting me down all over again, but watching you drown keeps me up now and then.
11.
not the one 05:41
two thousand days are all we have left between the lines from start to finish. fifty-six hours til i can fall asleep next to you. but who knew? sputters and coughs are all we have left to give, so keep on pushing. you’re not the one i knew.
12.
speak to me slowly in words i understand–”just let it go now, what can’t you comprehend?” you’ll be gone and i’ll be fine just going nowhere. look at me softly with eyes that make me weak. and like the ocean’s water, you sunk my heart so deep. you’ll be gone and i’ll be fine just going nowhere. so i’ll make a wish and hope in time that you’ll open up. you’re all the world over, so why can’t i be in love?

credits

released September 9, 2008

nelson ciron (drums, guitars, bass, keyboard, voice)
recorded in my dining room

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elocine Hampton, VA

Elocine is a one-man band that began in 1995 as nothing but a way to kill time during the insipid days of high school. Sole member, Nelson Ciron, was also the drummer for the South Jersey/Philly-area indie rock band, Apple of Discord, from 1995 to 2003. After moving to southeastern Virginia in late 2003, Ciron decided to focus more of his creative energy on Elocine. ... more

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